30 June 2020
For a relationship to be fulfilling, it is not enough only to give energy and love, you also have to receive it.
When we are highly sensitive, our large hearts often urge us to be generous to those close to us.
Naturally, we love, we help and we give our time and energy to our partners, families, friends, colleagues and to our leisure activities.
But too often, at the expense of our own well-being.
Empathetic hypersensitive people are emotional sponges that feel everything and let themselves become overcome by emotions. Studies show that their mirror neurones (cells responsible for compassion) are hyperactive and can lead to frequent emotional exhaustion.
Some relationships are positive and energising for them, whereas others exhaust them.
Energy vampires are attracted to the open and loving heart of hypersensitive people. They can completely sap their positive mindset and inner peace as they are skilled at sucking out their physical and emotional energy.
The most toxic even succeed in making them believe they are nobodies: “You look terrible today and you’ve put on so much weight!”, “You’ll never ever pull that off, you’re so ugly”, “That’s not how you are going to get people to like you!” “If you keep it up, you’ll end up a cashier at…!”.
Thus, it is important to learn to protect yourself.
What is an energy vampire? Such a person is perhaps a narcissist, someone who constantly plays the victim, a chatterbox, a passive-aggressive person or even a control freak.
The points below can help you to identify if one of your relationships is sapping your energy:
- You constantly dwell on the same internal dialogue about this person
- You find yourself suddenly in a bad mood, angry, anxious or negative
- You feel unwell
- You feel embarrassed
- You blame yourself
- You start to doubt yourself and be critical towards yourself
- You feel you are being judged or manipulated
- You feel that he/she does not listen to you or see you
- You need sugars or carbohydrates to regain your energy
- You feel exhausted and want to sleep
- You want to shout and scream “that’s not true!”
Would you have the courage to step back a little?
Dare to say no to the other person, to go back to being yourself. This is showing yourself respect. It is reclaiming your fundamental rights, recovering your energy and protecting your emotional health.
The three phrases below offer an excellent starting point to respond to the lethal sentences mentioned above:
- “If you say so”.
- “That’s what you think”.
- “You have the right to think that”.
And nothing else. Stay quiet after that. Do not justify yourself.
Start with this and see how the relationship evolves.
I’ve tried it and believe me, it works. The other person is so surprised that they don’t know what to say after that and very often the conversation ends there as they don’t see how to carry it on.
It is so exciting and relieving to realize that, just by saying this, without any anger, you suddenly feel at ease.
Be who you are in such a situation, it’s the best gift you can give yourself.
And stay silent, that way you return the responsibility to the other person and reclaim your rights.
What kind of relationships do you have?